About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
