I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Less talking, more tequila
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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