he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
