But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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