it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
