Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
