It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
