I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
