I wanna bring you to show and tell
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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