Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
