By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
