these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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