Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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