Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
