Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
