We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
These tits shall not be calmed
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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