I faked an abortion last night.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I need water and some morals
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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