And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
