Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
