so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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