i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
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He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
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A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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