I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
