Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
