i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
