When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
