we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
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There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
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note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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