I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
