thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
