its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
