could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You need a sexual gate keeper
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
