I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
