why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
