Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
