he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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