Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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