Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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