We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
