sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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