it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
