I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
