Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage