so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..