My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
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i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
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And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken