I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch