she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.