I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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