True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
