I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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