I'm drive I can fine osifer
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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