playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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