His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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