I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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