two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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