suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
