Duck Duck Cougar?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
