yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
