i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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