i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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