I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
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