Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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