Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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