No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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