Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
