she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
