dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
