I just saw a hot homeless man
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
