You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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