Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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