He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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